Mobile uploads NITETIME.NET FIELD KITCHEN REPORT #004 THE RHUBARB INCIDENT This morning at approxima

Written: May 25, 2026

Mobile uploads
NITETIME.NET FIELD KITCHEN REPORT #004
THE RHUBARB INCIDENT

This morning at approximately 09:37 Central Time, a highly unusual breakfast event occurred over an otherwise ordinary Midwestern kitchen.

Witnesses report a bubbling mass of rhubarb, sugar, and unidentified baked matter forming inside a standard casserole dish. Initial assumptions pointed toward a normal family dessert.

This was incorrect.

Ingredients:
• 4 cups chopped rhubarb
• 1 cup water
• 1 cup sugar
• 2 cups Bisquick
• 2/3 cup milk
• Pumpkin pie spice
• Additional sugar
• 1 crushed granola bar (classified topping)

Procedure:

Begin by combining rhubarb, water, and sugar in a saucepan. Simmer until the mixture softens into what researchers describe as “a glowing tart biomass.”

Meanwhile, combine Bisquick and milk. Roll into six or seven irregular dough objects. Precision is discouraged. Uniformity attracts attention.

Place dough masses into a buttered baking dish.

Carefully pour the hot rhubarb mixture over the dumplings. At this stage, observers may become concerned that the proportions are wrong.

Ignore them.

Dust with pumpkin pie spice and additional sugar.

Insert into a 350°F containment chamber.

At approximately the halfway mark, open the chamber briefly and deploy crushed granola across the surface to create the protective asteroid belt layer.

Continue baking for roughly 50–60 minutes.

Completion Criteria:
• Dumplings become firm.
• Surface develops golden terrain.
• Kitchen begins smelling like a Wisconsin harvest festival occurring aboard an alien mothership.
• Family members gather without being summoned.

Serve warm.

If anyone asks for the recipe, deny knowledge and tell them the signal came from deep space.

NITETIME.NET
Broadcasting strange flavors after dark
NITETIME.NET
FIELD KITCHEN REPORT #004
THE RHUBARB INCIDENT
This morning at approximately 09:37 Central Time, a highly unusual breakfast event occurred over an otherwise ordinary Midwestern kitchen.
Witnesses report a bubbling mass of rhubarb, sugar, and unidentified baked matter forming inside a standard casserole dish. Initial assumptions pointed toward a normal family dessert.
This was incorrect.
Ingredients:
• 4 cups chopped rhubarb
• 1 cup water
• 1 cup sugar
• 2 cups Bisquick
• 2/3 cup milk
• Pumpkin pie spice
• Additional sugar
• 1 crushed granola bar (classified topping)
Procedure:
Begin by combining rhubarb, water, and sugar in a saucepan. Simmer until the mixture softens into what researchers describe as “a glowing tart biomass.”
Meanwhile, combine Bisquick and milk. Roll into six or seven irregular dough objects. Precision is discouraged. Uniformity attracts attention.
Place dough masses into a buttered baking dish.
Carefully pour the hot rhubarb mixture over the dumplings. At this stage, observers may become concerned that the proportions are wrong.
Ignore them.
Dust with pumpkin pie spice and additional sugar.
Insert into a 350°F containment chamber.
At approximately the halfway mark, open the chamber briefly and deploy crushed granola across the surface to create the protective asteroid belt layer.
Continue baking for roughly 50–60 minutes.
Completion Criteria:
• Dumplings become firm.
• Surface develops golden terrain.
• Kitchen begins smelling like a Wisconsin harvest festival occurring aboard an alien mothership.
• Family members gather without being summoned.
Serve warm.
If anyone asks for the recipe, deny knowledge and tell them the signal came from deep space.
NITETIME.NET
Broadcasting strange flavors after dark