THE DRAG DISASTER OF 1985 ========================= Published: January 18, 2025 Byline: Lily Harper, Junior Reporter, Rusty Piston High School Gazette Author/context: Daniel Conderman; recovered Conderman.Group fictional article Original URL: https://conderman.group/2025/01/headline-the-drag-disaster-of-1985-when-us-type-sponsored-chaos-at-the-county-fair/ IT ALL STARTED WITH A VHS TAPE ------------------------------ While searching Goodwill for retro Halloween costumes, my friends Jake, Marcus, and I found a dusty tape marked "US Type Drag-Oval Challenge '85." We expected local racing history for our History of Local Culture project. Instead, we discovered one of the strangest chapters in Rusty Piston County Fair history: chaos on wheels, sponsored by US Type. WHO -- OR WHAT -- IS US TYPE? ----------------------------- US Type is a little-known federal agency with one narrow mission: building standard-issue manual typewriters for government use. It makes little sense for such an organization to sponsor a county-fair drag race. Yet its name has also been tied to the Great Spelling Bee Riots of 1973, caused by a nonsense word list "typed by mistake," and the 1979 Scrabble Championship Explosion, involving a gas-powered automatic letter randomizer. THE RACE THAT SHOULD NOT HAVE HAPPENED -------------------------------------- Local mechanic Carl "Piston Pete" Perkins partnered with US Type to bring drag racing to the dirt oval. The prize was a government-issue typewriter engraved "Champion of Speed." The footage shows straight-line dragsters trying to negotiate a tight dirt oval. Cars skid, spin, collide, back up through curves, and produce pileups worthy of the demolition derby next door. A US Type mascot in a foam typewriter suit runs onto the track with a GO FASTER sign, trips, and watches the sign get crushed by a stalled El Camino. US Type officials remain unfazed. They clap politely and distribute brochures for their latest durable, government-tested typewriters. THE AFTERMATH ------------- An exhausted announcer awards victory to a station wagon that completed one lap without flipping. US Type calls the event a huge success in promoting innovation. No one knows whether the agency's involvement was a publicity stunt, a budget mix-up, or a recruitment scheme for its typewriter program. Our discovery has revived memories of the Drag Disaster. Copies of the tape are circulating, while Jake insists US Type is a front for something bigger. We will screen it in the cafeteria next week. Bring popcorn -- and perhaps a typewriter.