SUNDAY NIGHT SMACK TALK WRESTLING: THE DAWN OF A NEW ERA ======================================================== Published: December 16, 2024 Author: Daniel Conderman Context: Recovered Conderman.Group Smack Talk Showdown episode Original URL: https://conderman.group/2024/12/sunday-night-smack-talk-wrestling-the-dawn-of-a-new-era/ THE COMMISH'S GRAND DECLARATION ------------------------------ The arena is dark until the opening notes of "Also Sprach Zarathustra" thunder through the speakers. A spotlight finds The Commish in the center of the ring, fedora tilted forward and arms spread wide. "Ladies and gentlemen, Smack Talkers far and wide, welcome to a new era! We have always been more than a wrestling show. We are a family, a creative force, a group of wild dreamers and storytellers. Tonight, we are not just entertaining you -- we are building a world together. A world where you have the power to create, control, and push the boundaries of personal entertainment. "Forget the giant corporations and stale, scripted nonsense! Smack Talk Wrestling is your league, your imagination, and your chaos. Tonight we kick off a revolution of fun, laughter, and absolute mayhem. Let us make history, starting right here at the Hey Barn!" THE WACKY CONVERGENCE --------------------- Backstage, Granny wields a turkey leg against the Triad of Oddities, who are spelling "GRANNY PIE" in leftover mashed potatoes. PeeWee chases Tik-Tok Timmy and demands his camcorder back; Timmy holds an antique 8mm camera which is mysteriously recording by itself. Joe Joe Sausage Head storms in looking for Bungston Big Bucks and his money. Bungston smirks from a corner, flanked by Hank "The Babe" Williams. Luscious Locks enters, her hair glowing faintly, and stares at a clock ticking backward. "It is him. The Timekeeper is here. I can feel it." Santa Claws suddenly slips on a puddle left by Drippy McGee. Granny orders everyone to settle their nonsense in the ring before she rolls them into a pie. THE CASE OF THE MISSING WIENERCOINS ----------------------------------- At the Rusty Pelican, Joe Joe Sausage Head faces Bungston Big Bucks, the glittering con artist who has his stolen WienerCoins. Bungston arrives in a gold suit with his golden briefcase and Hank at his side. He insists WienerCoin is not a scam but an opportunity: "You have got to spend money to make money." Joe Joe dominates with strikes, a back-body drop, suplex, and elbow drop while the crowd chants, "Where is his money?" Bungston distracts him by tossing a shiny coin, then lands a low blow. Joe Joe recovers and knocks Hank from the apron, but Bungston intercepts the Sausage Splash with a hidden roll of coins. He kicks the evidence from the ring and pins Joe Joe with his feet on the ropes. Joe Joe promises the truth will come out. Then the lights dim and Tik-Tok Timmy's morphing camera becomes an antique projector, casting the Timekeeper's mark on the wall. "Joe Joe," Timmy says, "the truth is not what you think." Timmy smirks as though he holds the key to the WienerCoin mystery. THE BATTLE FOR HOLIDAY ORDER ---------------------------- The Triad of Oddities -- Busted Barbra, Drippy McGee, and FUPA Fumpa -- enter the ring with cryptic whispers about Aeloria. Barbra spells "CHAOS" with her hands; McGee swims through the air; FUPA roars. Sleigh bells announce their opponents, Santa Claws and the varsity-sweatered Alphabet Soup. FUPA blocks Santa with his bulk and lands a belly-to-belly slam. Alphabet Soup's coordinated Word Wall works briefly until Drippy slides in with a leg sweep and Barbra stomps while spelling "CARNAGE." Santa rallies with a candy cane kendo stick and a Sleigh Bell Suplex. Soup sends Barbra outside with a crossbody while spelling "OUT." Drippy pours "Slippery Surprise" over the canvas, but glowing Aelorian runes appear beneath it and freeze the Triad. Santa produces a bright Christmas star. When its glare fades, Santa lands the Ho-Ho-Hammer on FUPA and Soup pins Drippy with an Alphabet Slam. The runes return after the bell. The defeated Triad retreat into the shadows, laughing as if pleased. The mysteries of Aeloria loom larger. LUSCIOUS LOCKS CALLS OUT THE TIMEKEEPER --------------------------------------- Golden light cascades from the rafters as Luscious Locks enters, her hair shimmering like a living thing. She denounces the Timekeeper's interference with her matches, mind, and memories: "No more whispers in the dark, no more ticking clocks. I am not your puppet!" Runes glow beneath her feet and ticking fills the room. The Timekeeper answers in a disembodied voice: "Brave words, Luscious. But courage is fleeting, just like time." The runes spiral outward. "The clock strikes soon, Luscious. Be ready to pay the price." Luscious refuses to be frightened. She vows that when she finds him, he will wish he had stayed hidden. MAIN EVENT ---------- Ann Von Chovie and The Enigma Phoenix face Hank "The Babe" Williams and Tik-Tok Timmy. Ann's speed meets Hank's power; she counters his suplex with a hurricanrana. Timmy's phone transforms into an antique camera, distracting Ann long enough for a Clock Drop. Phoenix tags himself in and answers with aerial attacks and a moonsault. Hank nearly wins with a powerbomb before Ann breaks the pin. Timmy pauses to film a behind-the-scenes vlog. Phoenix launches a Flaming Wingsplash onto both opponents outside. As all four brawl in the ring, Phoenix ducks a steel chain from Hank and lands a superkick. Ann catches Timmy in Hold the Mayo, while Phoenix knocks Bungston and his briefcase from the apron. Phoenix's Flaming Wingsplash and Ann's flying elbow finish Timmy for the pin. Ann immediately demands the title shot Phoenix owes her. Before he answers, the lights flicker and ticking freezes everyone for a moment. A message appears: TIME WAITS FOR NO ONE... NOT EVEN CHAMPIONS. The episode closes with Ann glaring at Phoenix, Hank seething on the ramp, and Timmy livestreaming the chaos. The mystery of the Timekeeper looms larger than ever.